Mohmanyang: joke

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

A Letter From A Mother In Ekona To Her Son In The US

Dear Bate,

LETRA FROM EKUNA

Thank you for the money you juss send. We be glad witham plenty. All man be get e share. Ya sister Scola don finally move da belle wey some taximan give e, so that yi massa go fit take yi back for marret.

Ya Aunty Martha use e own go bail e pikin Ndifor save e from going to ngata.. Yi and yi girlfriend don go Douala yi di do Sauveteur, e woman di work for night for downtown Akwa.

Ya brother Mbella say e want use e own make kwalli for go or na Swaviet Union or na Russia or na Jamanee o. If any small ting remain, yi go make marret for yi girl pikin Bih wey yi be 7months pregnant, make yi no bring disgrace for family.

Ya ora big brother Ndifor don enta Kondengi juss yessaday. Dem lie for yi head say, yi be tiff for place wey e be di do washnight. We be give yi share for warder make them no give yi morning time reveille with beating. Mbamba Eposi say Ndifor don begin Gay, so I glad say at leasse e dey happy for prison.

Tomorrow, I go take your 13yr old Small brother Essomba wey you never ever meetup am go put yi for Bostal instutute. Some policeman call yi say juvenale dalinquasi, because e catch yi and e boy pikin di do bad ting with themselves. Ha boy pikin fit do bad ting with yeself wey girl no dey dey? Anyway, I don use yi own money buy blanket, even though some chef patron for dey say I get for buy yi extra vaxsceline.

Ya Pa take yi own finally go marret, bring da yi old Akwara for house wey yi hide yi for Baboutti kwata, di cause me problems all these years. People say di woman don catch dat bad sick, I say yi sweet! If yi die sep sep yi go leave me and ya papa alone.

As for me, I no get me any problems. But I be give all ma share for some boy wey dem say yi be money doubler. I glad plenty because yi sabi teach bible. Yi sef don do plenty miracles for kwata. Any woman wey yi go for yi house yi pray for yi, wan time so belle don enter. Na so woman dem di glad for glad because dier massa dem no go drive them for house say dem no fit born. Hmmm, dat boy say e wan marret me. I lek me yi ya! E di make ma heart cold small. Yi only fault na say e di smoke banga and drink plenty. I say and so?

I say eh, Bate? Na witch ting wey some kongossa reach we here say you don see Whatman woman wey yi wan marret you? Abeg, no bring disgrace for dis family oh! You dong forget say you leave ya fiancee Nancy for here withi belle? Yi finally born lass year twins.

Well, ashia for cold ma pikin. Hmmn, you don learn big book oh! So now you don get High degree for Stress and Mental Psychosis. I glad plenty say you get plenty cargo. Bills, mortgage, insurance, overdraft and debts. You be rich man oh!! We no greedy for ask say make you send we some. I hear say money for dat sai na only for tree sep dem dey grow. Ya own fine ma pikin.

Since you no lack you noting, we go send you prayer ya?

Ya Mammie
Mammy paulina

Source: http://prgoretti.wordpress.com
Comment: Couldn't help reposting this, too funny

Pineapples and limes

Source: http://kanegon-rock.tumblr.com/post/

Comment: So in case you don't know the joke: there's this joke about a chief who catches 2 thieves and for their punishment he asks that each of them should go and pick a fruit of their choice and bring back to the palace. One thief brought a lime and the other brought a pineapple. The chief then said "As your punishment you need to insert the fruit through your backside and then you're free to go . . .". Well I suppose we can imagine what happened next :)